As I sit in this chair not my own.... as this chair and I sit in a house that is not our own.... as I type this journal I feel that I lose my self to the rage that is built up in my heart from not knowing me, how I grow... the way I am supposed to grow... this day, these people. this house this chair... this key board which are all not my own.... suck my power yet I feel it regain quickly only to be sucked right out by things of a world that is not my own. the world I once thought was my own vanished when I was 7 the day my dad left I rebuilt it only to see it fall again to find out my father was not my real father.... the man that raised me and a women that partnered up with him with held a secret that was never ment to cross my ears..... the seceret poped after my 13 birthday, brother thought he was doing me a favor by fucking with my soul my heart my joy my everything and screwing the story I had been fed all my life.... he released my inner beast... yeah I said it I have issued that formed a beast that live in me that kinda thrives to be released on minute beings .... I am not a man yet, I live my life the best way I can... by the reality that I have formulated in my mind with tainted images that has woven with my beast and himself with it. as I sit here in the room that belongs not to me... as I sit in a house that I have no ownership of.... I type my power and soul into this keyboard... only to lose.... reciving I recive not just lose..... my life is not my own... I still dont know why I truely live... to teach yes... but there has to be another reason.... I cant just be a lost soul to wonder about aimlessly... As I type away on this keyboard which is not my own....As I continuesly release my power to the keyboard I also put forth many feelings my alll the one thing that I can say is my own. My own......